Me and all my friends at the 10pm Ninga Turtle movie brother HH
485. CHIP STETSON
Chip Stetson is another old pro, an 18-year veteran of the professional wrestling ring who has been, I believe, ranked in the 500 only once before, and that was in 1997, when he was No. 389. PWI this year tells me he’s back to being a rulebreaker after a decade as a goody two-shoes loser.
The Match: Chip Stetson vs Fronz Roddy (In Your Face Wrestling, August 15, 2014)
This match was part of IYFW’s show at “Backstretch,” which is, I gather, a yearly event for the staff at Saratoga race course. So that’s neat. They start off with Fronz Roddy, billed from Austria, and his flexor exercise bar, and Stetson wants to give it a try, and he sucks at it, obviously, and Fronz Roddy is like, “YAAA! I am good at bending this!” Fuck, man, everyone has a good time.
Stetson taunts Roddy about being from Australia, and a little kid is like, “Austria!” and he goes, “That, too!” Fronz starts with the customary foot stomp to get the dozen or so people who have hung around to watch a wrestling show they don’t care about to clap and shit. It must be super fucking weird to perform your art in front of a crowd that is there to have fun, sure, but aren’t necessarily fans of what you do.
In that case, wrestlers generally seem to go for the corny comedy, and Stetson knows what he’s doing in that role, loudly vocalizing everything he’s doing. Everything. E very thing. Fans chant “OLD FART! OLD FART!” at poor Chip Stetson. How is Stetson supposed to concentrate when he has to think of his mortality and the years that have gone by, silently, aimlessly, his last two decades blurring together? My (Stetson’s) God, it was just yesterday that I (Stetson) was No. 389 in the PWI 500.
Well good news, Chip, you’re back. Have you found the independent wrestling fountain of youth? Perhaps not, but you have aged like a fine wine, my friend. Days may go by like paper in the wind, but your legacy is secure.
It’s weird, but while I would never seek this match out, in the right mood and the right laid back setting, a match like this makes me remember the truest joy of loving rasslin. A match worked like this one has enough resemblance to the weekend TV wrestling I would watch as a kid, WWF or NWA/WCW, that I think I feel some kind of little flicker of that time in my life. And here I am, with the years going by, none of them different than the last, but wrestling’s still pretty cool, and though my tastes have evolved, and so has the whole “product” overall from what I watched then, this classic style can always be done effectively.
Stetson wins with his feet on the ropes.

485. CHIP STETSON

Chip Stetson is another old pro, an 18-year veteran of the professional wrestling ring who has been, I believe, ranked in the 500 only once before, and that was in 1997, when he was No. 389. PWI this year tells me he’s back to being a rulebreaker after a decade as a goody two-shoes loser.

The Match: Chip Stetson vs Fronz Roddy (In Your Face Wrestling, August 15, 2014)

This match was part of IYFW’s show at “Backstretch,” which is, I gather, a yearly event for the staff at Saratoga race course. So that’s neat. They start off with Fronz Roddy, billed from Austria, and his flexor exercise bar, and Stetson wants to give it a try, and he sucks at it, obviously, and Fronz Roddy is like, “YAAA! I am good at bending this!” Fuck, man, everyone has a good time.

Stetson taunts Roddy about being from Australia, and a little kid is like, “Austria!” and he goes, “That, too!” Fronz starts with the customary foot stomp to get the dozen or so people who have hung around to watch a wrestling show they don’t care about to clap and shit. It must be super fucking weird to perform your art in front of a crowd that is there to have fun, sure, but aren’t necessarily fans of what you do.

In that case, wrestlers generally seem to go for the corny comedy, and Stetson knows what he’s doing in that role, loudly vocalizing everything he’s doing. Everything. E very thing. Fans chant “OLD FART! OLD FART!” at poor Chip Stetson. How is Stetson supposed to concentrate when he has to think of his mortality and the years that have gone by, silently, aimlessly, his last two decades blurring together? My (Stetson’s) God, it was just yesterday that I (Stetson) was No. 389 in the PWI 500.

Well good news, Chip, you’re back. Have you found the independent wrestling fountain of youth? Perhaps not, but you have aged like a fine wine, my friend. Days may go by like paper in the wind, but your legacy is secure.

It’s weird, but while I would never seek this match out, in the right mood and the right laid back setting, a match like this makes me remember the truest joy of loving rasslin. A match worked like this one has enough resemblance to the weekend TV wrestling I would watch as a kid, WWF or NWA/WCW, that I think I feel some kind of little flicker of that time in my life. And here I am, with the years going by, none of them different than the last, but wrestling’s still pretty cool, and though my tastes have evolved, and so has the whole “product” overall from what I watched then, this classic style can always be done effectively.

Stetson wins with his feet on the ropes.

486. TIM ZBYSZKO
The son of “Living Legend” Larry Zbyszko, Tim Zbyszko is a Florida regular and a two-year pro, and was the 2013 PWI Rookie of the Year, perhaps because it’s hard to figure rookies in wrestling, and Zbyszko is a famous last name. He was ranked No. 499 in 2013.
The Match: Tim Zbyszko vs Dagon Briggs (United States Wrestling Alliance, July 26, 2014)
This USWA is based in Jacksonville, and face-painted Dagon Briggs seems to be a top star for the promotion. Wrestling is such a weird thing, but I think there’s certainly something to having the bloodlines in pro wrestling as there is in any legitimate sport or in acting or whatever else, because for a relative novice, Zbyszko has a handle on little shit that you don’t even think about until you’ve gone through a bunch of matches where guys struggle to do those little things, which again, maybe you don’t even noticed until you see someone doing them. There’s just a body language to the way Zbyszko works that most guys at this level don’t have. I’m not even saying he strikes me as some amazing blue chipper, but he’s more natural in the ring.
Florida in general is a weird, lawless swamp land, filled with terrifying mosquitoes and underrated redneckery, particularly in the panhandle, and Florida wrestling has a distinct flavor. So does California wrestling, and so does New Jersey wrestling. So does Canadian wrestling. Florida wrestling is this weird ass jumble mix of technically sound young guys, weirdo cartoony motherfuckers, and old dudes who want to bleed and hate paying income tax. The crowds are very identifiably Florida, mostly in a good way.
After the match goes on for a bit about 50-50, both Zbyszko and Briggs grab chairs and swing them, clashing them together like Gorehowl and Cairne Bloodhoof’s log totem, only not so dramatic as that. Kinda not dramatic at all actually. The match is declared a no-contest.

486. TIM ZBYSZKO

The son of “Living Legend” Larry Zbyszko, Tim Zbyszko is a Florida regular and a two-year pro, and was the 2013 PWI Rookie of the Year, perhaps because it’s hard to figure rookies in wrestling, and Zbyszko is a famous last name. He was ranked No. 499 in 2013.

The Match: Tim Zbyszko vs Dagon Briggs (United States Wrestling Alliance, July 26, 2014)

This USWA is based in Jacksonville, and face-painted Dagon Briggs seems to be a top star for the promotion. Wrestling is such a weird thing, but I think there’s certainly something to having the bloodlines in pro wrestling as there is in any legitimate sport or in acting or whatever else, because for a relative novice, Zbyszko has a handle on little shit that you don’t even think about until you’ve gone through a bunch of matches where guys struggle to do those little things, which again, maybe you don’t even noticed until you see someone doing them. There’s just a body language to the way Zbyszko works that most guys at this level don’t have. I’m not even saying he strikes me as some amazing blue chipper, but he’s more natural in the ring.

Florida in general is a weird, lawless swamp land, filled with terrifying mosquitoes and underrated redneckery, particularly in the panhandle, and Florida wrestling has a distinct flavor. So does California wrestling, and so does New Jersey wrestling. So does Canadian wrestling. Florida wrestling is this weird ass jumble mix of technically sound young guys, weirdo cartoony motherfuckers, and old dudes who want to bleed and hate paying income tax. The crowds are very identifiably Florida, mostly in a good way.

After the match goes on for a bit about 50-50, both Zbyszko and Briggs grab chairs and swing them, clashing them together like Gorehowl and Cairne Bloodhoof’s log totem, only not so dramatic as that. Kinda not dramatic at all actually. The match is declared a no-contest.

487. KENNY DOLL
PWI: “Ambitious student of the game has been paying his dues and is poised for a breakout in the near future.” WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT, PWI!
The Match: Kenny Doll vs Lak Siddartha (Vancouver Island Pro Wrestling, June 28, 2014)
If you squint a little at this camera’s distance, Lak Siddartha could pass for Kanyon. This referee has a big beard. None of that has anything to do with Kenny Doll.
Honestly, here’s another thing that’s distracting me. You know that old Buddy Knox song, “Party Doll”? You probably don’t. You’re 12 or something. Not like me, who was born in 1982 and thus knows everything about the 50s. ◔_◔
Anyway, I keep hearing that song in my head but with “party doll” changed to “Kenny Doll.”
This is a weird way to experience wrestling, admittedly. When one has no emotional investment or attachment to the story or the wrestlers, one is left with what is presented. And at its bare form, that is the art of wrestling storytelling, I think, to make the physical match mean everything, or at least enough that it can be enjoyed. So when something is good, it’s easy to see. But despite any claims otherwise, wrestling is as much about promos and non-match stuff as it is the match. And familiarity is a good thing — wrestling has a way of grinding the sensibilities down and dulling displeasure if watched enough. I mean, look at me, I even like Dolph Ziggler now. It takes time sometimes, but being good shines through. I don’t even want to vomit when I see John Cena anymore, and frankly look forward to almost all of his matches. I’ve grown to appreciate what Cena does well, what Ziggler does well, what most guys do well, even if there are parts of their characters I dislike and always will.
But I know nothing about Kenny Doll or Lak Siddartha, only what they’re showing me here. And what they show me here is a pretty good wrestling match, the sort of thing I can imagine being better with more familiarity with the wrestlers. I don’t need WWE-level polish or NJPW-level ring excellence or ROH-level desire to prove anything or TNA-level … um, lights? Ring quality? When I was an IWA Mid-South regular during their stint in northwest Indiana at the height of their indy dream match booking, it wasn’t just the Bryan Danielson / Samoa Joe / CM Punk / Chris Hero / Homicide / etc. stuff that I wanted to see after a few shows of getting to know the wrestlers, as it were. I started looking forward to Ryan Boz & Brad Bradley in tag team action, to seeing the burgeoning women’s division evolve (which would eventually become SHIMMER), to watching guys like Trik Davis make strides in the ring, to seeing Arik Cannon rise to the main event scene in the promotion. And I can’t find that going through a single match in the year of a particular wrestler I’ve never heard of or seen before. The fun is in finding little seeds of things to love on, and there’s some here. Kenny Doll has potential, and while this would easily be the worst match on any WWE PPV in 2014, that is not the expectation nor the hope.
I don’t really know what the fuck I’m talking about, it’s late and I’m a weird person.
⃗ Twitter: @THEKennyDoll

487. KENNY DOLL

PWI: “Ambitious student of the game has been paying his dues and is poised for a breakout in the near future.” WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT, PWI!

The Match: Kenny Doll vs Lak Siddartha (Vancouver Island Pro Wrestling, June 28, 2014)

If you squint a little at this camera’s distance, Lak Siddartha could pass for Kanyon. This referee has a big beard. None of that has anything to do with Kenny Doll.

Honestly, here’s another thing that’s distracting me. You know that old Buddy Knox song, “Party Doll”? You probably don’t. You’re 12 or something. Not like me, who was born in 1982 and thus knows everything about the 50s. ◔_◔

Anyway, I keep hearing that song in my head but with “party doll” changed to “Kenny Doll.”

This is a weird way to experience wrestling, admittedly. When one has no emotional investment or attachment to the story or the wrestlers, one is left with what is presented. And at its bare form, that is the art of wrestling storytelling, I think, to make the physical match mean everything, or at least enough that it can be enjoyed. So when something is good, it’s easy to see. But despite any claims otherwise, wrestling is as much about promos and non-match stuff as it is the match. And familiarity is a good thing — wrestling has a way of grinding the sensibilities down and dulling displeasure if watched enough. I mean, look at me, I even like Dolph Ziggler now. It takes time sometimes, but being good shines through. I don’t even want to vomit when I see John Cena anymore, and frankly look forward to almost all of his matches. I’ve grown to appreciate what Cena does well, what Ziggler does well, what most guys do well, even if there are parts of their characters I dislike and always will.

But I know nothing about Kenny Doll or Lak Siddartha, only what they’re showing me here. And what they show me here is a pretty good wrestling match, the sort of thing I can imagine being better with more familiarity with the wrestlers. I don’t need WWE-level polish or NJPW-level ring excellence or ROH-level desire to prove anything or TNA-level … um, lights? Ring quality? When I was an IWA Mid-South regular during their stint in northwest Indiana at the height of their indy dream match booking, it wasn’t just the Bryan Danielson / Samoa Joe / CM Punk / Chris Hero / Homicide / etc. stuff that I wanted to see after a few shows of getting to know the wrestlers, as it were. I started looking forward to Ryan Boz & Brad Bradley in tag team action, to seeing the burgeoning women’s division evolve (which would eventually become SHIMMER), to watching guys like Trik Davis make strides in the ring, to seeing Arik Cannon rise to the main event scene in the promotion. And I can’t find that going through a single match in the year of a particular wrestler I’ve never heard of or seen before. The fun is in finding little seeds of things to love on, and there’s some here. Kenny Doll has potential, and while this would easily be the worst match on any WWE PPV in 2014, that is not the expectation nor the hope.

I don’t really know what the fuck I’m talking about, it’s late and I’m a weird person.

Twitter: @THEKennyDoll

bRiE MOOoOOooooOdE

He’s got a vibrating dildo in his briefcase. But if something else is dumb as fuck or boring to you, remember, this show is for kids!

PSA

PSA

488. CHRIS LAPLANTE
Nicknamed “Go Time,” 12-year pro, was No. 494 last year, and PWI keeps guys about the same level, more or less, with this sort of thing. Trained by Chuck Simpson. (I don’t know who Chuck Simpson is.)
The Match: Chris LaPlante vs Jaxon Jarvis (Crossfire Wrestling, March 22, 2014)
Crossfire Wrestling is an Ontario indy. This is Jaxon Jarvis’ debut for the promotion, they tell me, in their very Canadian way.
Eventually, commentator in his very Ontario accent says “chicanery,” which is a word he wanted to work in, but it just sounds really forced. “Shenanigans” is always that way, too. It sounds entirely like you’re just looking for a reason to say the word, not that it’s the word you actually thought to say naturally.
This is alright, I suppose, but I couldn’t focus on it because the banter between the commentators was so incredibly grating. It was like they were reading lines that no one had written. Does that blow your mind?

488. CHRIS LAPLANTE

Nicknamed “Go Time,” 12-year pro, was No. 494 last year, and PWI keeps guys about the same level, more or less, with this sort of thing. Trained by Chuck Simpson. (I don’t know who Chuck Simpson is.)

The Match: Chris LaPlante vs Jaxon Jarvis (Crossfire Wrestling, March 22, 2014)

Crossfire Wrestling is an Ontario indy. This is Jaxon Jarvis’ debut for the promotion, they tell me, in their very Canadian way.

Eventually, commentator in his very Ontario accent says “chicanery,” which is a word he wanted to work in, but it just sounds really forced. “Shenanigans” is always that way, too. It sounds entirely like you’re just looking for a reason to say the word, not that it’s the word you actually thought to say naturally.

This is alright, I suppose, but I couldn’t focus on it because the banter between the commentators was so incredibly grating. It was like they were reading lines that no one had written. Does that blow your mind?

489. JEFF COBB
Listed at 5’10”, 240, a four-year pro who fell from No. 465 last year. Won the 2012 APW Young Lions Cup and wrestled for Guam as a freestyle wrestler at the 2004 Olympics, serving as the nation’s flag-bearer.
Cobb also recently worked out at the WWE Performance Center in early September.

"It was pretty much two-a-day workouts of just killing us and seeing if we were going to quit. There was a lot of people that had to sit out for a bit, be it from dizziness, cramping, aches and pains, but everybody made it through the three days, some better than others. … Everything was challenging. I took about five ice baths over the three days. It was great, but I was so beat up and sore."

The Match: Jeff Cobb vs Dave Dutra (Sacramento Wrestling Federation, March 29, 2014)
This is for the SWF championship, which Dutra has held for a million days or whatever. People are very excited for DOUBLE D! DOUBLE D! DOUBLE D!
This match has a really nice tempo to it — you’re certainly not going to confuse it with ROH or anything, but both of these guys can go, and I’m digging this. Dutra breaks out a really nice springboard moonsault from the second rope. Kids love Double D, but he’s working the heel role here, so maybe those kids are just rebels.
Cobb makes his comeback and deadlifts Dutra in a gutwrench for a throw, which is a lot of energy to exert, so a pin doesn’t come in time. Cobb shows off his power again, catching Dutra flying from the turnbuckle, and powering him up and over with a vertical suplex.
Both of these guys have potential. I don’t know how much, because I’m not a professional wrestling scout, but there’s stuff to like from both here. I would say that Cobb relies a bit too much on sudden power moves, and that Dutra looks like the more polished of the two based on just this match. Dutra gets the win.
⃗ Twitter: @MrAthleticJCobb

489. JEFF COBB

Listed at 5’10”, 240, a four-year pro who fell from No. 465 last year. Won the 2012 APW Young Lions Cup and wrestled for Guam as a freestyle wrestler at the 2004 Olympics, serving as the nation’s flag-bearer.

Cobb also recently worked out at the WWE Performance Center in early September.

"It was pretty much two-a-day workouts of just killing us and seeing if we were going to quit. There was a lot of people that had to sit out for a bit, be it from dizziness, cramping, aches and pains, but everybody made it through the three days, some better than others. … Everything was challenging. I took about five ice baths over the three days. It was great, but I was so beat up and sore."

The Match: Jeff Cobb vs Dave Dutra (Sacramento Wrestling Federation, March 29, 2014)

This is for the SWF championship, which Dutra has held for a million days or whatever. People are very excited for DOUBLE D! DOUBLE D! DOUBLE D!

This match has a really nice tempo to it — you’re certainly not going to confuse it with ROH or anything, but both of these guys can go, and I’m digging this. Dutra breaks out a really nice springboard moonsault from the second rope. Kids love Double D, but he’s working the heel role here, so maybe those kids are just rebels.

Cobb makes his comeback and deadlifts Dutra in a gutwrench for a throw, which is a lot of energy to exert, so a pin doesn’t come in time. Cobb shows off his power again, catching Dutra flying from the turnbuckle, and powering him up and over with a vertical suplex.

Both of these guys have potential. I don’t know how much, because I’m not a professional wrestling scout, but there’s stuff to like from both here. I would say that Cobb relies a bit too much on sudden power moves, and that Dutra looks like the more polished of the two based on just this match. Dutra gets the win.

Twitter: @MrAthleticJCobb

a message from Anonymous


Michael "PS" Hayes has released a new single called "Why Cant the Children Pray in School" on iTunes. Hayes has another song called "I'm Gonna Drink 'Til You Start Looking Good" coming out soon.

490. JOHNNY ADAMS
Inferno Johnny Adams is a Buffalo veteran of 12 years, and has teamed with the likes of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Hurricane Helms in recent years. He moves up six spots this year! Next year, if he keeps wrestling, he will be within this same range, because that’s how the PWI 500 works.
The Match: Johnny Adams vs Marc Krieger (Empire State Wrestling, June 1, 2013)
Marc Krieger is a former name for Marc Hauss, #493. If previous PWI 500s are any indication, they’ll be jumbling together a bunch of guys from the same area who work in the same promotions.
I’ve seen Adams and ESW before, actually, when I did this idea a few years ago and petered out pretty quickly, as I probably will this time. Or maybe I’m just lowering your expectations before I can truly disappoint you. That’s how I handle all my relationships.
Krieger breaks out a nice German suplex quickly, and this is one of those shows where they decided that commentary over the PA was a great idea. It’s not. It’s a terrible idea. That is confirmed quickly as the commentator notes during a sneak-up type spot, “He thinks it’s the referee, it’s not, it’s Johnny Adams!” Well Krieger can hear you, too, dummy.
Johnny Adams with a silly kick to the face, then there’s a Burning Hammer for the win. This was alright, quick and got the point across. Couple nice moves.
⃗ Twitter: @firegoood

490. JOHNNY ADAMS

Inferno Johnny Adams is a Buffalo veteran of 12 years, and has teamed with the likes of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Hurricane Helms in recent years. He moves up six spots this year! Next year, if he keeps wrestling, he will be within this same range, because that’s how the PWI 500 works.

The Match: Johnny Adams vs Marc Krieger (Empire State Wrestling, June 1, 2013)

Marc Krieger is a former name for Marc Hauss, #493. If previous PWI 500s are any indication, they’ll be jumbling together a bunch of guys from the same area who work in the same promotions.

I’ve seen Adams and ESW before, actually, when I did this idea a few years ago and petered out pretty quickly, as I probably will this time. Or maybe I’m just lowering your expectations before I can truly disappoint you. That’s how I handle all my relationships.

Krieger breaks out a nice German suplex quickly, and this is one of those shows where they decided that commentary over the PA was a great idea. It’s not. It’s a terrible idea. That is confirmed quickly as the commentator notes during a sneak-up type spot, “He thinks it’s the referee, it’s not, it’s Johnny Adams!” Well Krieger can hear you, too, dummy.

Johnny Adams with a silly kick to the face, then there’s a Burning Hammer for the win. This was alright, quick and got the point across. Couple nice moves.

Twitter: @firegoood

491. BARRY HARDY
This is, indeed, famed WWF jobber Barry Hardy, and I don’t say that, like, “LOL, ‘famed jobber.’” Barry Hardy was one of the finest job men of the early 90s, and now all these years later, he’s still a guy who hits the ring regularly in the northeast.
Here’s Barry circa 1993:

PWI says he’s now 6’1”, 230, so I’d like to personally congratulate the Bad Boy on his weight loss and height gain.
The Match: Barry Hardy vs Thunder Morgan (American States Wrestling Alliance, 2011)
I couldn’t find anything newer, so we’ll go with this. I somehow doubt Mr. Hardy’s ring style or skills have changed a whole lot in the last couple of years, as he’s a 27-year veteran who does his thing. One thing has changed, though, and that’s that Barry Hardy nowadays apparently comes out to Jackyl’s “Lumberjack” while carrying a chainsaw.
Entrances for this match: "Juggernaut" by Big Engine (Hardy) vs “Girls, Girls, Girls” by the mighty Mötley Crüe (Morgan).
There’s some real sexy coughing in the audience going on, as this slow-paced, old school wrestling match happens, and people want Thunder to make his charge, but Thunder doesn’t appear to have much of a charge to make. Hardy rakes his eyes to continue the slow battering.
Eventually they sort of wind up back at square one, slowly circling one another and going back to a collar and elbow, so that manager Ed Deadly can blatantly hit Morgan in the back with a chair. Then he throws salt in Hardy’s eyes, and Hardy is schoolboyed. What the. And then Ed Deadly is like, Barry you stink! or whatever. Ed Deadly just wants to watch the world burn. Then a group of baddies beat up Hardy, and Morgan returns for the save. MY MOTORSICKLE AND A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE

491. BARRY HARDY

This is, indeed, famed WWF jobber Barry Hardy, and I don’t say that, like, “LOL, ‘famed jobber.’” Barry Hardy was one of the finest job men of the early 90s, and now all these years later, he’s still a guy who hits the ring regularly in the northeast.

Here’s Barry circa 1993:

PWI says he’s now 6’1”, 230, so I’d like to personally congratulate the Bad Boy on his weight loss and height gain.

The Match: Barry Hardy vs Thunder Morgan (American States Wrestling Alliance, 2011)

I couldn’t find anything newer, so we’ll go with this. I somehow doubt Mr. Hardy’s ring style or skills have changed a whole lot in the last couple of years, as he’s a 27-year veteran who does his thing. One thing has changed, though, and that’s that Barry Hardy nowadays apparently comes out to Jackyl’s “Lumberjack” while carrying a chainsaw.

Entrances for this match: "Juggernaut" by Big Engine (Hardy) vs “Girls, Girls, Girls” by the mighty Mötley Crüe (Morgan).

There’s some real sexy coughing in the audience going on, as this slow-paced, old school wrestling match happens, and people want Thunder to make his charge, but Thunder doesn’t appear to have much of a charge to make. Hardy rakes his eyes to continue the slow battering.

Eventually they sort of wind up back at square one, slowly circling one another and going back to a collar and elbow, so that manager Ed Deadly can blatantly hit Morgan in the back with a chair. Then he throws salt in Hardy’s eyes, and Hardy is schoolboyed. What the. And then Ed Deadly is like, Barry you stink! or whatever. Ed Deadly just wants to watch the world burn. Then a group of baddies beat up Hardy, and Morgan returns for the save. MY MOTORSICKLE AND A SWITCHBLADE KNIFE

492. DIAFULLAH DOBASHI
I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of Diafullah Dobashi, a wrestler PWI tells me was trained by Abdullah the Butcher and Johnny Graham, and has been in the game for 23 years. Like Abdullah, he’s nicknamed “The Butcher.” Unlike Abdullah, he has, I presume, never kindly held in a fart so as to not offend Mick Foley’s wife in the car.
The Match: Diafullah Dobashi vs J Dogg (Blue Collar Wrestling, June 6, 2014)
This is for J Dogg’s UIWA North American heavyweight title, which he’d won from Dobashi on April 29. J Dogg loves America, and as you can guess by Dobashi’s name and outfit, he does not. In fact, he probs hates it. Hates America.
 Lots of stalling while kids chant “USA,” then if they stop, J Dogg is, like, “no, no, this is about all we’ve got, so I’m going to re-start that chant.” There’s a manager who is standing on the floor and is as tall as the top rope from the floor.
Dobashi refuses to enter the ring forever, finally starting the action about 9 minutes into the video when J Dogg finally grows tired and gives chase. What follows is … something else. Dobashi misses a legdrop, then calmly sits still while J Dogg prepares for a Japan Kick, then gets up and takes an extra bump on nothing, and then has his turban taken away and used as a taint and ass wipe.
After all that, there is a test of strength — NO, THERE ISN’T! Dobashi is not doing a test of strength, unlike this fine American. Butcher Dobashi takes over after that, with a legdrop, a kneedrop, and then a psyche-out legdrop that turns into a falling bite or something, the camera isn’t close enough for me to tell. But I’m guessing biting or really weird choking. Dobashi then backs Dogg to the middle of the ropes, not the turnbuckles, to deliver a shoulderblock to the ribs, which is a weird place to do that since there’s a bunch of give there and the rock back doesn’t seem like something you would want. But I don’t know. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe he’s so crazy and savage he does shoulderblocks in the middle of the ropes instead of the turnbuckle, because he DOESN’T EVEN CARE
To liven things up, Mr. Dogg slaps Dobashi in the chest a couple times, then does another Japan Kick, this time to the back.
Dobashi breaks out an awkward baseball slide as a father carries a child out of the scene. It’s hard to blame him. Eventually, the match comes to an end, with J Dogg retaining his title.
⃗ Twitter: @DobashiUIWA

492. DIAFULLAH DOBASHI

I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of Diafullah Dobashi, a wrestler PWI tells me was trained by Abdullah the Butcher and Johnny Graham, and has been in the game for 23 years. Like Abdullah, he’s nicknamed “The Butcher.” Unlike Abdullah, he has, I presume, never kindly held in a fart so as to not offend Mick Foley’s wife in the car.

The Match: Diafullah Dobashi vs J Dogg (Blue Collar Wrestling, June 6, 2014)

This is for J Dogg’s UIWA North American heavyweight title, which he’d won from Dobashi on April 29. J Dogg loves America, and as you can guess by Dobashi’s name and outfit, he does not. In fact, he probs hates it. Hates America.

 Lots of stalling while kids chant “USA,” then if they stop, J Dogg is, like, “no, no, this is about all we’ve got, so I’m going to re-start that chant.” There’s a manager who is standing on the floor and is as tall as the top rope from the floor.

Dobashi refuses to enter the ring forever, finally starting the action about 9 minutes into the video when J Dogg finally grows tired and gives chase. What follows is … something else. Dobashi misses a legdrop, then calmly sits still while J Dogg prepares for a Japan Kick, then gets up and takes an extra bump on nothing, and then has his turban taken away and used as a taint and ass wipe.

After all that, there is a test of strength — NO, THERE ISN’T! Dobashi is not doing a test of strength, unlike this fine American. Butcher Dobashi takes over after that, with a legdrop, a kneedrop, and then a psyche-out legdrop that turns into a falling bite or something, the camera isn’t close enough for me to tell. But I’m guessing biting or really weird choking. Dobashi then backs Dogg to the middle of the ropes, not the turnbuckles, to deliver a shoulderblock to the ribs, which is a weird place to do that since there’s a bunch of give there and the rock back doesn’t seem like something you would want. But I don’t know. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe he’s so crazy and savage he does shoulderblocks in the middle of the ropes instead of the turnbuckle, because he DOESN’T EVEN CARE

To liven things up, Mr. Dogg slaps Dobashi in the chest a couple times, then does another Japan Kick, this time to the back.

Dobashi breaks out an awkward baseball slide as a father carries a child out of the scene. It’s hard to blame him. Eventually, the match comes to an end, with J Dogg retaining his title.

Twitter: @DobashiUIWA